My Outer Child....An honest poem about self protection.

Penniless in Belgium, 2006

My Outer Child

Throwing a book will get you no where!
Locking yourself in a small room makes you seethe with more rage
The law men tell you, they can't help you
The God men tell you its all your fault
Missiles you've planted to kill didn't go off
Except for in your own pocket book
Explosive torpedos of terms shouted across darkened rooms
Were flipped on you
So now you're crazy
Now you're dumb
Now you're loaded with buckets of slime
And not worth a crumb.
You're the ugly one
The self centered scarred, with warts and all
The witch exchanging the w for a b
Aren't you age six?
A doll called Chuckie that comes to life with only wickedness and strife
And all run from that kind of doll
All leave the horror displayed
When fear and demons come to live inside that battle bloodied ripped to shreds plastic heart
You've spoiled and rotten
Beating your arms and legs on the ground
Temper tantrums the weapon that sets off
Like an alarm at noon when the heart is hungry
The cup is empty
no one fills it up
You enjoy playing the role of victim
And martyr
talks behind your friends backs
And you are a drama queen a real work of art!
You're never to blame
And always broke
And your drug of choice is barfing out your guts
You're messy and so hard to clean up
You shit on everything
And are never wrong
You are always fashionably late
But we should view you as worth the entrance
Of a diamond that blinds every man's heart
Making them tyrants
Afraid to leave your arms
Grasping as if to lose a most prized gem
Like titanics blue heart
You're a manipulator a critisizer
A phony a pretender
A con
You act on your own instead of consulting an adult
You run fast, you train a lot

Escape
Is your middle name

You will FIGHTor FLIGHT!

And ANGER and FEAR chose it for you, Darling
While in your papi's heart

You're seductive, yet funny, charming and so full of life
But when caught in your web, you're as cold as ice
Unloving even the feast in your bed at night
You're sick like an addict, and breaks everyones hearts
It doesn't matter the rules
Cuz you're the rebel
With a cause
You ignore, and do what you want
Independence is your goal
Intimacy is a spell you won't explore
You conquer dangerously
You reject, hoard, distance and remove
You resist, attract wrong
Refuse to learn from your wrongs
And oh, you can be so holier than thou!
You're such a liar!
And I believe you...
You won't stand still
I can't catch you
And how I've tried
Slow down
Chill out
All this outer childish acts
Is to protect that innocent heart
But it kills all those who love you
And its kills me
The little, broken, scared child you fight so hard to keep alive.

Only CHRIST; ONLY CALVARY'S CROSS and a Father's loving sacrificial arms can heal that little fearful, wounded precious heart.

-Aida Cooper

1/22/11