The Tropical Plant

written 4/23/11 in a journal entry (revised today)

By Aida Cooper

I am just ALONE... all the time.
And that is so painful for me. Allowing me to receive love is one of my greatest challenges!

I have set up a brick wall; a barricade to protect my heart.
Love has not been safe for me.

The difference for me now from the past is I'm surrendering --to my desire to be loved, my need to be nurtured, embraced, vulnerable with all words said or wordless.

In my pursuit of this honesty, I have end up more afraid then when I started.

I lived so long like a tropical plant placed in the cold. I was never given any sunshine to grow, or warmth. And on the outside I started to freeze, the bitter cold made me lose my luster and my beautiful green foliage began to turn brown and frail to the breaking point.

I was not created to bloom in these conditions. After withstanding so many storms, there was really nothing left to look upon on the outside, at the base of me a remnant of the dried up stem, and in any man's sight, I was a tragedy. At the sight of me anyone would think, this amazing tropical plant was left out in the cold. It should have been taken care of in the warmth of a home. Put under a beautiful light so that others may also enjoy it when they walked into the room.

BUT, the hope of glory and of God's mercy is this:

“this tropical plant is not dead. It’s not fruitful, but not dead either.”

God’s heart would express under the soil of nourishment lies its Roots...and those roots are still alive and strong.

For they've been protected by the richness of God's soil. She needs only another chance. She needs someone to spend some time to care and tend to her. She would thrive if someone good and kind would bring her in from the cold, to nourish her, to water her and to shed some light upon her. She only needs someone loving and accepting to talk to her and encourage her beauty.

And in time, at the base where there was once only a dry stem; upon closer look, as close as one can get, when really looking and trying to see...a tiny green leaf will begin to grow again. This small token is the hope of its glory...of the unbelievable beauty that will come in patience and tender time….and with the healing medication of unconditional love.

That tropical plant aka: "she" is me right now. At this very moment in my life, I too, am still under the soil. I am awaiting some warmth and light from the coldness that has devastated my beauty. And God’s love is creating a new bud of life that is about ready to burst from under that thin layer of soil….I am closer to the top. My roots were very deeply entrenched in the dark soil, in my winter days. As Spring approaches, HIS LOVE has lifted me up and I feel as though I will soon break forth into something extraordinary because of the care HE has given me, when others accounted me as dead in my sins and grief.

My Mama taught me about such things. She's resurrected many a plant I would have thrown out. Those words of compassion towards the plant are mostly hers. She has no idea, what I've learned from her in the simplest things of mundane life. She has no idea how God has used her. She has no idea that her words were HIS in my life.

This descriptive analogy is also the silent cry of a blistered heart in a multitude of God's little women...I was left in the cold by my husband...and before that I was abandoned by my father who was unable to be a father. They both had their own demons. As I have mine.

My outer body was left unprotected...and it appears through all these years so was my heart.

For abandonment or the fear of it, is the cruelest demise against God's children. For HE said it is NOT good for man (or woman) to be alone.

Yet what is so interesting about God's view in making Adam some companionship is: in the garden, Adam was supposedly in the best position or place he could be. HE was alone w/God. What more could there be? What better companionship could Adam have had?

Isn't that what we tell others in the faith when they are downtrodden or lonely...

"You don't need anyone else, you've got God!"

And YET, God said differently! And God sees differently than we do. He said in scriptures,

“It is NOT good for man to be alone.” Even when man has ME, GOD! (Paraphrased)

He knew we would need another of our own kind, another who has walked a similar road, another who experiences deep pains and regrets. When another cannot be found, we have the hope that HE is in the garden with us, looking for us, calling out our names. God is always eager to see our faces even after we have sinned. And when tender time has passed it will be another name with ours He'll be crying out for...eager to see both HIS beautiful children’s faces in the light of HIS Son. Ready to forgive and put us back on the road to beautiful.

So even in our aloneness, HE is there as HE was with Adam. HE's not ok with our aloneness. For HE knows healing, love and power comes by others. Through others smiles, hands and embraces God expresses HIMSELF tangibly.

Abandonment steals us away from that comfort and seizes us with paralyzing fear. Some of us so wounded we do not know how to battle for our peace. It is during these seasons, more than any others when we really need another to pick us up from the rubble and sit us upon a solid place, like a loving father does to his child after a fall.  It is not the time to isolate. For then, we do to ourselves what has been done to us by others. We abandon ourselves and we lose sight of God with us, Emmanuel.

I have many fears; I have been abandoned many times. Either physically, or emotionally....and sometimes I even feel spiritually abandoned by God. I call out to him, and I feel alone his distance and silence. Yet, HE is with me always even until the very end of my life as HE has promised us all. The silence of God is not his absence; it’s HIS testing of our faith. It’s the time for me to discover those other senses HE has given me. My hearing may not be working at times, but my sight is good. Perhaps my body has crippled me but my mind is strong, or perhaps its only what HE has commanded, we walk by faith not by sight, hearing, speaking or walking. I came to recognize that I had to trust God even when I could not hear HIS voice, knowing that as a deaf child, HE would never leave me or forsake me. And then as in the wind, I heard a voice behind me pleased by my trust,

“Walk on; I am leading you by the hand.”  

So what's left of the tropical plant, with new growth under microscopic look...a terror of her past with all its coldness...and its thirst for love? She like me, are in the fight of our lives---- to not be left alone. Instead, let her and me and we, fight only with our faith and trust in GOD. Contending as we grow on that HE tends to our every need, even diligently working for us in silence, healing our roots of faith, so that in due time we blossom more beautiful and fruitful than we ever did in our past.

(Can you imagine a heart surgeon having a conversation with you while he operates? I think not. Neither does God speak when HE is intently working to keep you alive. Trust HIS silence, it’s in those moments you are completely HIS to rescue and make come alive.)

YOU

Photo taken by Alyssa Lujan

                                                                    YOU                                                                                

It’s in the way you reach out to me

It’s in the way I feel the sun behind the clouds

On the darkest days

It’s the way you speak in to me

It’s the way I enjoy the rain coming down

On the coldest days

It’s the way you reach out to others

It’s the way you speak into their souls

It’s the way you make me dream

Believing YOU

foolishly, passionately, courageously, lovingly, resourcefully,

and every other way a dreamer can be seen trusting YOU

thought of as insane

even stupidly and blindly, recklessly risking

BUT oh~ with wisdom, inspiration, touching others to believe

in their dreams given by YOU to them too.

It’s the way you found me

In the cave of the death of me

It’s the way that you come to me daily

in pursuit of your queen

It’s in the way you bring relief

To a dry and thirsty soul

It’s in the smile I see when I know you are pleased with me

It’s in the way I see you fight for me

It’s in the battle you died in willingly to protect

what has always been your victory…winning me back

to be YOU and ME for eternity

It’s in the way I hear you say my name as if painting a ray of hope

It’s the sun shining down upon my face, and your touch is felt as you caress my face

It’s in so many ways I have never known

It’s in the ways I have still yet to discover

Its in YOUR words, the laughs, the fears, the hopes,

the dreams, the ugly, the good, the bad, the beauty,

its in the enemies fiery darts and lures, and the dark broken places,

the errors of my youthfulness, but shame erased

the hauntings, the apologies, the silence,

the spirit, the music, the worship, the stories,

the creativity in colors, the freedom dancing,

the intoxication of love that will come my way one day,

the purposeful poetry, the mundane, the lonely and angry feelings,

the melancholy days, and the concert of praise,

the comforting memories of my childhood and my messy attempt at adulthood,

the creation of all you’ve shared in my world,

and of my Majestic God who leads me to HIM again and again

as from the start of my rebirth

when love pierced my heart in secret places

inside my closet of solitude and sorrows

with its disenfranchised losses, that I was unable to share

with except to YOU in prayer

YOU captivate me even more today

whispering in the wind and storms

of grace and love that will not let me go

giving me plan A again and again, not B

and endless life chances.

~Aida Cooper

5/1/12